FIRST TIME MOM SYNDROME

Welcome back for this weeks post, I hope you've had great days with steady, temperate weather, unlike me 😀. So today's post is not really a hard and fast list of what to do or how to do it, but more of a general information piece. I am sure we all have at least one friend on our social media friend lists, who is a first time mom, and everyone on her list knows this not because they are personal close friends and family, but because they cannot for the life of them stop posting cute baby pics, funny baby memes, and deep mother and child quotes and verses. They are simply out of their minds with the prospect of carrying a child, and why shouldn't they be? This is, after all, a noble calling and not just a random occurrence; a chance to actively participate in that universal call to 'go ye forth and procreate', and they are doing it well, if they do say so themselves 😏

So I will offer my help although it may not be welcome, on some of the things I did the first time around that I will not do the subsequent times, or what I did not do and wish I did, so read on to find my insights and regrets, and be ye entertained as well 😜

Buy Everything With The Word 'Baby' On It

So you want the very best for your offspring, but this does not translate into stocking your house with everything from the baby shops, because we are living in a consumer society where as long as something has some use however how minimal, it will be produced-and bought, in bulk. A wipes warmer for instance sounds ingenious, but a few soft cotton cloths with a steady supply of warm water from, say a flask will serve the same purpose, cost you less, be chemical-free, and translate to less junk that you need to dispose after you are done rearing babies, so is it really necessary? I think not. 

Also, as much as baby is brand new it does not mean that everything that goes with them should also be brand new, so if you can get something like prams and car seats from someone even if you have to give it back at some point, please do.

Some of the things that I could have bought but didn't and improvised instead include; 

☑ A breastfeeding pillow, which my mum-in-law helped me improvise with by folding a soft and light blanket into as many layers as I needed to get to the height I needed.

☑ A wipes warmer, which I did as above and used a cloth, small basin, and warm water instead.

☑ Baby Cutlery, which to be honest are to me a total waste because toddlers don't really know about the "knife and fork" rule and all. This does not however mean that you don't buy any dishes at all for baby, but rather buy different colored, sized, and even textured regular plates, bowls, and spoons, preferably wood or bpa-free plastic which is what I did just so you can differentiate in use and cleaning.

☑ Toys. Now before you jump allow me to elaborate; toddlers tend to be very creative when it comes to playthings, and will prefer candy wrappers, broken gadgets like phones, and generally random odd bits and pieces to those fancy 'pastel colored rattles' and 'specially textured cars/whatever' so other than stock up on these plastic nuisances, invest in quantity as opposed to quality because most of the toddlers I know get bored by their toys in a really short time, so he's more likely to ignore it before he can get a chance to destroy it. As with everything else however, be wary of safety and chocking hazards.

☑ Baby soap, Baby oil, Baby powder, Baby comb and nail set etc you get the point. As I said with the dishes above, regular stuff works just as good as baby sized or baby specialized stuff, and the soaps, oils, and shampoos, always keep in mind baby's need mild and gentle things, which does not describe every baby-made soap and oil out there. You could even use whatever you use for yourself, just as long as it has minimal chemicals (none would be best), has a mild smell, and is not specialized for anything e.g. fighting dandruff or dry skin etc because it is likely to make baby uncomfortable or even reactive.

I do hope you catch my drift, but as with anything in life experience breeds the best innovative creativity so as you go along you will learn to improvise and make do with what is at hand, as you will also learn children can be a tad impatient, which is a tale for another day.

Go To The Hospital With a Mind Set in Stone

 This here was me, totally decided on no CS no matter what, and so when it came down to either cs or risk losing the baby, me, or both, it took me quite a while to recover from the mental mess that ensued and the crippling post natal depression which I am sure could have been avoided or at least decreased by having an open mind. I did not get to enjoy little mercies like we were both alive and well, or that up to one and a half years, currently, we only had one hospital visit for a small cough infection treatment for baby. So go to the hospital and pray for the best, but prepare for the worst just in case, so whichever way you will be a winner. Do drop the mentality that you are in charge and everything will go according to your plans, but have a birth plan in place, written preferably, and go through it before d-day with whoever will accompany you to hospital on that day then sit back and relax 🤗

 Pack A Hospital Bag, not a Mobile Home 😰

 The first time around, I packed three bags. Three. Hospital. Bags. I don't know what I was thinking but then who does at the time of expecting their first baby hehe. I honestly can't remember exactly what was in those bags but I can remember there were things that I needed but had not packed. I can also remember that after I was discharged, with all the hospital visits I got, I almost needed an extra vehicle to carry all the stuff home which is a major cause for forgetting things at the hospital. So what will I carry next time? 

Here's a list; short and sweet 😉

☑ 4 little vests, the ones that get snapped shut at the bottom, which are called "diaper holders" here in Kenya 🤗. It will be good to carry at least two different sizes.

☑ 4 full size baby rompers/overalls, two different sizes.

☑ 2 bibs

☑ 4 pairs of socks

☑ 2 pairs of mittens

☑ 4 baby caps

☑ 2 sweaters (or more depending on the weather)

☑ 2 warm light cotton shawls

☑ 2 heavy shawls

☑ your makeup bag, the bare essentials (which differ with each person, mine has eyeliner and lipstick)

☑ a warm robe or nightgown for you

☑ a towel

☑ a toothbrush and toothpaste

☑ a few comfy panties

☑ hospital paperwork, insurance documents or credit cards

☑ deodorant

☑ a nice dress to leave hospital in (note that you will most probably be as big as you were when you went in, so one of your maternity clothes will do)

☑ A packet or two of pads

☑ Whatever you use to protect your hair from becoming a nasty mess during the night (though you will do well to stop thinking in terms of day and night for the next few weeks at least 😂)

☑ a camera, phone, or both, and their chargers

☑ glasses case or contacts case and solution, if you wear them, I do ☺️

☑ A packet of newborn diapers, or nappies, whichever your choice is

☑ Wet wipes, and/or a soft cotton cloth or two

And this is it, think I left anything out? Let me know I'm the comments section then!

Plan Ahead

Make sure you have the names you want to give to little one well in advance, as it is unsightly to argue about a particular spelling at the hospital, worse still to agree to a name you didn't want then get stuck with it for an awful while, or go through the tiresome process of changing it. Then you might have talked about getting help from a friend or two, and some relative offered to lend you some baby essentials and stuff. Follow up on these promises, and gauge whether their owners are up to the task of delivering on their words and if not, get others, even if this means searching for paid help because you will be pretty damn tired coming from the hospital, so forget about running a few errands or cleaning up after yourself effectively for a while. 

Abstain from doing hard labour or lifting heavy things, generally do not lift anything heavier than your baby for at least six months, which is coincidentally the length of time you should breastfeed exclusively. If you like things you like done in a specific way then make sure to write a not so official memo of it for whoever will come to help out, your body has been through a lot and will thank you for the break, for years to come.

Don't  Burn Yourself Out

You're a mummy now, and a first time one for that matter, don't spread yourself thin trying to run as fast as you did before baby or be as effective as you were, as you give your body time to recover, your mind also needs a break. There is no shame in suffering from baby brain so don't ever get yourself up over the fact that you forgot to bring the  grocery in or small stuff like that, just let it slide coz once you're back in your element you will be twice as good as before. As for people, they will always have expectations and opinions, and it is not your duty to fulfill everyone's desires and thoughts at this time; and never forget that your first responsibility as a mother is now to your children. Use this as your North point and you are less likely to lose yourself in the madness that comes with raising children.

I do hope I helped shed some light on this and that I will help out a mum or two who might be stuck in a rut at the moment and feeling overwhelmed. If you do think I left out something that bears mentioning, then please let me know in the comments section, and thanks for reading, have an amazing week!